Winning, Losing but Playing the Game...

Now the hard part isn't the acting, it's the talking about the acting. I guess it's something I'm going to have to work on because I'll be doing it a lot next year. So here goes...

I don't really have a name for what we were doing, or really for anything that happens when acting. That's always the problem. You need words that simply do not exist in the english language. But that's part of the fun. Doing something that is indescribable, something that stretches beyond the reach of language, something that can only be understood in your gut, that's what I love most. 

What boggles my mind is that I can do it, even though I don't know what I'm doing. It makes sense but I don't understand it. A few years ago I couldn't do it all, and I have no idea how, why, or when that changed. Which is scary, because if it suddenly happened, with out my even trying, then maybe it's a fluke. Every time I get up there, I have no idea what I'm doing, and yet it always works out. But if I don't know what I'm doing, who's to say that one day it will just stop working. Maybe I'm just getting lucky and one day I'll stop getting lucky. That's also what makes it so exciting though. If you knew what was going to happen every time, then what would push you to do it? It's the curiosity and the wonder that drives me.

"Just do it". That's the process. I like that and hate that all at the same time. Sometimes I wish I could be a physicist or a historian where there's formulas and facts and concrete answers. But of course, where's the fun in that? It would be horribly boring. Though, here I am trying to blog about the process and all I seem to be doing is babbling. Here's why I can't talk about it: This stuff is all about getting out of your head and focusing on the other person. It's almost like the "acting" happens in the space between you and your partner, and then all the good stuff just happens inside of you by accident. Really good acting is being in the moment, not observing yourself, not judging, simply being present. So if that's all working correctly, how can you reflect about that experience? Words are formed in your head - language precedes thought - but if you're not in you're head while acting (which is good), then you can't talk about it, right (which is a problem)? I guess I kind of am talking about, in a a round about way, but maybe not saying anything coherent? I guess I expect that I should be able to sit down at my computer after a good exercise and write down step by step what I did so I can have it for future reference. I want to be able to write down, in words, the answer or the key. Sadly though, this is an unrealistic expectation. That's what stops be from blogging most of the time. I feel like there's something I should be saying and I'm not quite there, so I don't say anything at all. "You're saying it wrong"... I tell myself. It's silly. Still, I wish my reflections could match the experience. But then if they did, why actually do it? It takes less energy to talk about it. But who wants to simply listen to a bunch of people talking about acting. I'd rather watch a movie.

On being a puppet...

After learning for 4 years that there is no such thing as "becoming the character" in acting, today, I became a puppet. What? Does that contradict everything? I think so, but not really...

It's sort of like an out of body experience. A little like meditation. Or free association. The difference is you don't think. Which is liberating, relieving, and a little scary. The notion that you can think like someone else and believe you are someone else is still false. However the limits of the imagination have been proven to stretch much further than originally thought. That's a wonderful thing when considering acting. If you're imagination can extend so far as to be able to give life to an inanimate object, doing the same for a character in a script should be quite possible. The problem of "Well, I've never been in that situation" or "How can I relate to that?" disappear. We can rely on our imaginations much more than we do. 

The idea of putting a mask on is interesting. What is a mask? It is something to hide behind. It takes away your identity and replaces it with something else. There is no reason to fear because you don't have to take the responsibility (it's like the de-individuation principle in Psychology). That's the true gift the puppets give. Lack of fear. If you say or do something that's bad, inappropriate, stupid, or weird you can simply blame the puppet. 

Each puppet  possessed certain characteristics that none of us seemed to be able to control. Pieces of newspaper, paper mache, and paint had personalities. That got me thinking about the importance of costume. If simple materials can communicate such dynamic characteristics, than a costume that accurately represents your character is vital - and almost impossible to perform without. My friends and I always marvel at the fact that when we're wearing a flattering leotard and our hair is neat in a beautiful bun, we can suddenly do perfect triple pirouettes and our extension is 15 degrees higher. Well, it's because we're dressed the part. Acting is no different.  

Uta Hagen: Some thoughts...

As I come to an end of Uta Hagen's respect for acting, I am very pleased. This was a book I wanted to attempt/ conquer for about 2 years now. I am happy I finally sucked it up and "just" read it. Although it was a lot smaller of a mountain than I had thought, I feel a clearer head and a calmer stomach. 

Right now, I'm not in an acting class or in rehearsals (which will soon change! I will be in a student production of an original musical come May), so it is difficult to apply the concepts and exercises just yet. It's hard to say, but I truly have no prediction of whether or not they will work for me. Some of them seem almost fool proof, while others seem like they will chain me down, make my head spin, and cause me to sweat profusely (and not while I'm trying to access a sense memory of heat if you know what I mean). Although she constantly talks about getting out of your head and into your body, I think some of these exercises might do the exact opposite. It's silly though to critique something that I have not even tried yet so I will move on.

It's funny what strikes you. Of all 200 pages there is one thought that excites me and entices me the most. This thought is (to put it simply): you never play a character, you are simply being yourself in different circumstances. This interests me for many reasons. One, I love the idea that "you are more interesting than any character". For a while there I was convinced it was the opposite way around. I often view myself as boring, simple, and predictable. So yes, this realization is ego boosting, but also empowering. Which brings me to my second point. With the understanding of this idea comes a new understanding of what acting is. If you are not playing a part, but being yourself (a living, breathing, real human being) than acting is so much make believe, as it is being. Your stage life (as Uta calls it) can and should be just as real as your real life (with some exceptions of course). 

This way of viewing acting is much more interesting and exciting. Why be some one else, pretending to feel and experience, when you can be yourself, going on wonderful journey's every single night. 

It is also breaks down any boundaries. A character lives on the page. They are made up of the words of the playwright. The character needs the script to define themselves. But you? You are a human being. Your existence is existential (is that redundant?). You don't need anything to define you. Everything defines you. I'd rather see the latter on stage. 

That's all for now. I'm not sure where this book will take me, but again, I'm happy I read it. 

A day in the life...

 This is Sabrina

 She loves her hair...

...And her tail

But she really hates her hands!

And this is her life:

 Sabrina making tuna fish

 Sabrina having some salt water taffy

 Sabrina practicing for an audition

 Looks like Sabrina needs a new pair of pointe shoes...

 Sabrina getting some reading done

 Sabrina taking an important call

 Sabrina hanging out with her good friend, Annie

 Sabrina getting some shut-eye

Sabrina showing off the scarf she knit!

The Art Life (cont'd)...

How to live a better life, be a better artist, and get happy:

1.  Approach everything with a sense of joy. Whether it’s cleaning your room, going to rehearsal, or working out at the gym. We always focus on the negative – we don’t want to do it, we’re tired, it’s stupid, you’d rather be doing something else etc. We never focus on the positive. There truly is joy in everything. Instead of sighing and trudging through you daily activities, take a deep breath and dive in… and find the joy. Let’s take cleaning your room for instance. No on likes cleaning their room. I think that’s a fact. But if instead of focusing on how annoying this task is, you focus on how good it will feel to have a clean and pretty room… there you go! You just found some joy! To learn to live your life with the cup half full is a difficult feat – but it makes life so much more enjoyable. Erase the phrases “I don’t”, “I can’t”, and “Ughh” from your vocabulary. Replace them with “I have”, “I will”, “I can” and “Yay!”. Last but not least, smile.

2.  Don’t let fear stop you. The best things happen between the intersection of “I’m scared s***less” and “I can’t do this”. Like I said before we always focus on the negative. We use fear as an excuse but it really should be a motivator. The whole idea that fear paralyzes is a load of BS. Fear causes a flight or fight response. Our heart starts pumping, we sweat, we’re filled with adrenaline… sounds like a perfect condition to create something amazing. I can’t really tell you how to conquer your fears. All I know is that you have to… Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don’t think you can conquer your fears. We’re always going to be afraid of something. But, the key is to accept them, not fight them. Learn to live with them and use them to your advantage. 

3.  Gratitude. In your work or in your life – as an artist or as a person (well it’s really all the same thing), you have to be thankful. No matter how bad things are, we all are so incredibly lucky, and we don’t even know it. This will sound corny (I’m sorry), but we’re a live. Life is a gift. If nothing else be thankful for that.

A part of this is happens to be… Stop complaining! We all do it. And I’ll admit it’s fun. But it’s the most toxic thing we can engage in. Wallowing in our own self-pity is never healthy. We don’t come to any solutions and nothing gets done.

4.  Last but not least – Just do it! We think way too much. Do you ever wonder why dreaming is enjoyable? I think it’s because we don’t think. We’re creating stories in our heads but we’re not worrying if they make sense, if they’re funny enough, if it’s stupid. You just let the ideas flow. Turning off your brain and all the second-guessing and judgment that comes with it will make everything a lot easier. Just do it, but better yet, just don’t think while you’re doing it.

The Art Life...

This is interesting and I want it all in one place. 

Why do I (Sabrina Kalman) create Art?

            I create art because I am afraid… I’m almost 18 years old. I’m in the prime of my youth. I have my whole life ahead of me. So, it might surprise you that I think about dying… a lot. Well, at least more than average. Whenever the topic of death fights its way to the forefront of my consciousness, it is always accompanied by fear. I am afraid of dying. I am afraid of dying with regret. I’m afraid of dying, and then being forgotten. Acting is the way I cope with this fear. I am so lucky. I have found something that I love. Something that I want to do for the rest of my life. Something that I’m meant to do. And the only thing that would stop me from acting… is fear. And by the same token, fear is what keeps me going. The fear of regret seems to beat out the fear of failure every time, and so I continue to step onto the stage, succumbing to and overcoming my fear. Because as much as I know the life of an actor is hard, I know the life of a regretter is even harder.

            My fear of being forgotten, though not as prevalent as my fear of regret, still drives me forward. I don’t want to be average; just another white Jewish girl from Long Island. I want to be special. I dream of changing lives and leaving my mark on the world… and not because of my ego (which of course, all us artists have), but because of my fear. I want to lead a life that has meaning and purpose. If I don’t, I’m just a waste of space… and that scares me.

           

I create art because I am curious… Nothing makes sense. The world. My life. Myself. I don’t really understand the way any of it works; but I want to. So I act, because somehow it helps me figure it out. Acting gives you a small slice of reality to deal with at a time. It’s contained and exposed, so it’s a lot easier to understand than life. With every part, you figure out a little bit more. Like I said, I don’t understand anything, but I would understand a whole lot less if I didn’t act.  

            I create art because I am bored… Life (or my life at least) is very uneventful. Acting gives my life some well-needed excitement. I know they say you are more interesting than any character (and I agree). But often times, a script is much more interesting than your life. It’s not like I’m bored to tears with my own life; I like my life. But it’s very ordinary, and sometimes I just need an escape to the extraordinary. I guess I act for the same reasons that little kids play pretend. Sometimes reality just isn’t as much fun.  

            And of course… I create art because I have to. It’s as simple as that.

What are my (Sabrina Kalman) influences?

First I have to split “Influences” into two categories: People I know and People I don’t know.

Let’s start with People I don’t know. When thinking of what Influences me 2 things come to mind… Harry Potter and Friends. So much of what I do, as an artist, and as a person, comes back to one amazing series and wonderful sitcom. They are two sources of entertainment that I have been exposed to the longest. I have watched Harry Potter (1 thru 7) more than any other Movie, and I’ve seen every single Friends episode more than any other T.V. show. Naturally, after such intense exposure for such a prolonged period of time, they are bound to influence me.

As a human being, I pretty much measure myself and everything I do against Harry Potter. Running the risk of sounding a little too crazy obsessed I will make this analogy: If this book series is like my religion, then Harry Potter is like Jesus. My motto is “What would Harry do?”. I measure my morals, values, actions, thoughts, opinions, and character against him… literally everything. Whenever I begin to think that I’m a “not-so-good” human being (which worries me from time to time) I remember this, “We both have light and dark in us, what matters is the path we choose to act on.” Then I feel better. Because if Harry, the hero, can have flaws, then so can I. Whenever I’m having a bad day, or a crappy week, or the most awful month imaginable, I remember Harry Potter and what he went through. If he can defeat Voldemort and save all of man-wizard kind, then I can definitely get into college (or whatever it is that is getting me down). I feel the need to acknowledge that I understand Harry Potter is not a real person, but a fictional chacaracter. Yet in all seriousness, I think he’s the best role model I could ask for.

To keep going with this analogy, J.K. Rowling is like God. As an artist, if every I am scared, confused, discouraged, or lazy, all I need is to think of her. To put it simply, she is amazing. She over came every obstacle, every bump in the road, every brick wall… and the end result? Writing the best book series ever (yes, that is fact). Whenever I am lazy, I remember how hard she worked. Whenever I am scared, I remember that she was living in her car, unemployed, writing the first words of Harry Potter on a napkin. Whenever I am discouraged, feeling as though I should just give up, I remember she got rejected from 7 publishing companies. If J.K. Rowling is good enough to get rejected, then so am I. And just like those publishing companies, those 5 colleges will one day regret their decision.

As an actress, no one influences me more than Jen, Courtney, Matt, Mathew, and David (yes we are on first name basis). They aren’t necessarily the best or my favorites of all time, but they are my most influential teachers. Their acting is superb; I don’t think anyone would argue that it isn’t one of the most well acted T.V. shows... ever. They’re so funny, charming, likeable, and truthful. Everything I want to be. So I watched and I watched and I watched – absorbing everything. How do they say their lines? How do they move? How do they look when they’re not speaking? Every night at 11 pm on channel 33 I tune in to my own personal master class. I’ll even admit this, although slightly embarrassing, has helped me a great deal: I’ll watch a scene, memorize the lines, and then recite them, trying to mimic them exactly. It’s taught me a lot. And whenever I’m in a scene and something is troubling me. A line isn’t coming out right, or I can’t quit get the timing on something; I try to do it like them. It’s like having a library of acting tips in my head at all times, because I’ve literally memorized every single moment of every single episode. It’s funny; when I watch myself I’ll see Jen-isms, or Mathew-looks popping out here and there. And I couldn’t be happier.

Now, for people I know, my most prevalent influence is my sister. My work ethic, professionalism (hopefully), rehearsal/class etiquette, mental approach to auditioning, etc., is credited to her. I basically copy everything she does, and so far it’s worked out pretty good for both of us.

Uta Hagen Reflection: Substitution

I just have a few quick questions on this chapter...
Is all acting substitution? Is is it possible to act without substitution? I've tried to do this but have I been doing it wrong (I think I have been... I'm not specific enough... or deep enough)? I understand that you do your substitution as research and then forget about it... I totally get that... but at the same time I don't... How does that work???