Now the hard part isn't the acting, it's the talking about the acting. I guess it's something I'm going to have to work on because I'll be doing it a lot next year. So here goes...
I don't really have a name for what we were doing, or really for anything that happens when acting. That's always the problem. You need words that simply do not exist in the english language. But that's part of the fun. Doing something that is indescribable, something that stretches beyond the reach of language, something that can only be understood in your gut, that's what I love most.
What boggles my mind is that I can do it, even though I don't know what I'm doing. It makes sense but I don't understand it. A few years ago I couldn't do it all, and I have no idea how, why, or when that changed. Which is scary, because if it suddenly happened, with out my even trying, then maybe it's a fluke. Every time I get up there, I have no idea what I'm doing, and yet it always works out. But if I don't know what I'm doing, who's to say that one day it will just stop working. Maybe I'm just getting lucky and one day I'll stop getting lucky. That's also what makes it so exciting though. If you knew what was going to happen every time, then what would push you to do it? It's the curiosity and the wonder that drives me.
"Just do it". That's the process. I like that and hate that all at the same time. Sometimes I wish I could be a physicist or a historian where there's formulas and facts and concrete answers. But of course, where's the fun in that? It would be horribly boring. Though, here I am trying to blog about the process and all I seem to be doing is babbling. Here's why I can't talk about it: This stuff is all about getting out of your head and focusing on the other person. It's almost like the "acting" happens in the space between you and your partner, and then all the good stuff just happens inside of you by accident. Really good acting is being in the moment, not observing yourself, not judging, simply being present. So if that's all working correctly, how can you reflect about that experience? Words are formed in your head - language precedes thought - but if you're not in you're head while acting (which is good), then you can't talk about it, right (which is a problem)? I guess I kind of am talking about, in a a round about way, but maybe not saying anything coherent? I guess I expect that I should be able to sit down at my computer after a good exercise and write down step by step what I did so I can have it for future reference. I want to be able to write down, in words, the answer or the key. Sadly though, this is an unrealistic expectation. That's what stops be from blogging most of the time. I feel like there's something I should be saying and I'm not quite there, so I don't say anything at all. "You're saying it wrong"... I tell myself. It's silly. Still, I wish my reflections could match the experience. But then if they did, why actually do it? It takes less energy to talk about it. But who wants to simply listen to a bunch of people talking about acting. I'd rather watch a movie.
