A Reminder...

I am once again reminded of what truly great acting is.


As I was sitting there in the audience of Wagner College's production of My Fair Lady, I knew very well where I was. I was in Staten Island, at Snug Harbor Cultural Center, in a theatre, watching a show. Yet, I felt myself, from time to time, almost believing I was in London, sitting in Professor Higgins's study, with Eliza Doolittle and Colonel Pickering. I formed relationships with them as though they where real people. I began to feel their pain or share in their happiness as though they were real people. And as far as I was concerned, as long as the lights were on and the curtain was drawn back, they were. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not delusional. I have a firm grasp on reality. I understand the difference between what is fake and what is real (well, for the most part). But, that's just it isn't it? Great acting isn't fake, it's completely, 100 percent real. Truly great acting, isn't acting at all. Of course this is something I already knew, and when I'm sitting in the audience I never seem to forget it. Yet, when I get up out of the audience and make my way onto the stage, it becomes harder and harder to remember.


I guess sometimes I just need a reminder.

I need to Blog...

You know, I've been busy. Or perhaps I've just been forgetful. Or maybe I've just been lazy. Who knows? 


I haven't been blogging, and I don't really know why. I mean, I like to blog. It's fun, it makes me feel like people are interested in what I have to say (which makes me feel smart and sort of boosts my ego), and it improves my writing (which I really love). And, most of all, when I don't blog, I feel bad. I feel irresponsible. I feel unfulfilled and lazy. I mean, I feel like my blog is a direct reflection of who I am. So, if I don't blog, than what does that say about me? Maybe this thing isn't really as important as I seem to think it is, or maybe it is. I don't know. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that I blog. I need to blog. It's as simple as that. 

I'm only human...

To act is not to act, it's to allow yourself to feel. I never had a problem understanding it, but experiencing, that's a whole other story. Today I got glimpses of what it's like, but it didn't last long. So what was the problem? Well, I figured out my problem last week. "When I begin to actually feel something, I get so excited that before I know it, I'm not feeling it anymore". That is completely, 100% true. Now, here's where it gets confusing. If you change "excited" to "scared", you will arrive at this weeks problem. Today in class, when I would actually start to feel something, it would completely freak me out, and then, guess what would happen? I wouldn't be feeling it anymore. I mean, this week we were working mostly with the emotion of anger, and believe me, no one hates being angry more than I do. So, naturally when I would actually begin to feel angry, I would instinctively recoil from it. Almost like a reflex I can't control. So one week I'm enjoying my emotions too much, and then the next week, I'm not enjoying them enough? It's a little bit of a dilemma. How can I possibly go about fixing a problem that keeps on changing? Well, I don't know. And quite frankly, I don't need to know; I'm not supposed to know. I mean, if I knew everything, I wouldn't be taking this class in the first place (and of course if I knew everything, I wouldn't be human).

Art is not math...

I think it's about time to blog about that amazing trip we had last friday.


Well clearly I've been putting this off, because I really have nothing to say (well, nothing that I can express in words which makes it a little difficult to blog about... maybe I should try interpretive dance?). I mean, Luke says it all the time, there are certain things that just can't be talked about, it's just understood. Which definitely holds true for much of the DADA art we saw, but then for some of it, that doesn't work. It can't be talked about, it really can't be understood, so then what? What am I supposed to do with it then? Well I guess the last thing that's left is emotion. If it can't be talked about, and it can't be understood, then I guess it can only be felt. I don't know about you, but when I'm looking at what is probably a 30 foot statue of a hula dancer, it most definitely makes me feel something. Even if it's only confusion, it gets a reaction out of me doesn't it? It makes me feel something. So wait a second, maybe I do get all this DADA art... or maybe I don't. You know what? It doesn't even matter. 


After all, if I could understand art the way I can understand lets say... a math problem, what would be the point?

Step 1...

Step 1: Admitting you have a problem

I think I've figured out my problem (well at least my main problem) , and I guess that's the first step. I'm pretty sure I was sort of aware of it before, but I don't think I was able to admit it or simply understand it until now. I had my revelation tuesday during our acting class. We were all siting around in a circle with Luke in the middle holding two water guns, one was full, and the other empty. He went around to everybody, one at a time, and stuck the guns in their faces. The point of this exercise was to experience true emotion. To have an honest reaction without acting. That was never a problem for me. In fact it was always quit easy for me to be in the moment and react truthfully. I really understand the whole idea that acting is really not acting. Now, here comes my problem. I didn't figure it out by myself, Luke actually pointed it out to me. He was saying how when you're in a scene, and lets say your scared because someone is holding a gun to your head. If you get really into it and feel actual fear, then all of a sudden you're like "Oh Yay! I'm scared!", and then your out of it. That, there is my problem. When I begin to actually feel something, I get so excited that before I know it, I'm not feeling it anymore. It's almost as if acting is too fun for me. I know it's a silly thing to say but I mean, even if I'm in a scene where I'm hysterically crying, I find myself really having fun, but I'm crying, and that's not supposed to be fun. I know I have to find a balance, but the question is "How?". I guess that'll be step 2...

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

Back to shcool means back to the blog. 

When I signed on to my blog for the first time in, well, a really long time, I scrolled all the way down to the bottom of the page, and what did I find? My very first blog post posted exactly one year ago. As I read it, I was brought back to that first day of high school, and that first time I walked through the STAC room doors. I remember feeling, well, pretty much everything! Excitement, curiosity, fear, and kind of overwhelmed. I guess a more suitable term to describe it would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And now, walking into the STAC room doors for the probably the 43234092nd time, I'm still sorta feeling that supercalifragilisticexpialidocious feeling, except it feels different this time, well sort of. I guess it's the same minus the fear and overwhelmingness (if that's a word?) . Now I have to apologize for my current lack of ability to express my self with actual words. I guess it's the result of a blogging free summer, clearly I'm a little rusty.

Well speaking of expressing myself, I guess it's a good time to talk about what we did today. Our project for the day was to create yet another mural. We all started with pencil and wrote our names, then we branched out and wrote something we loved, and the branched out from there and wrote we loved about that, and then what we loved about that and I think you get the point. When I pictured this in my head I was picturing a white wall, with lots of small, separate webs. So we started to write. You know, I was surprised at how hard it was to actually think of what ever it was that I loved, but then once I thought of it, it was extremely easy to think of  why I loved it. It was strange how that worked, isn't it? It really puzzled me and I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. So, I was making my web and something happened that I was not expecting. My web was beginning to intertwine with other webs, and it was happening so naturally, like it was supposed to happen. There's really only one explanation for it, we all are a lot more similar than we thought. It makes sense considering we all have a passion for the arts, but since we are all so different, it's easy to forget that, at the end of the day, we are all pretty much the same, and stepping back at the end of the day to see our mural, not being able to tell where one web ended and one began, it became very, very clear. It was really cool, no, more than that... 

it was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Vibing Verbs...

Another day, another workshop. Today was more of the same. First we did some warm up exercises, and then we did some improv. Today in the improv we were working with "verbs". Pleading, charming, attacking... The thing with "verbs" is they are so easy to relate to, because we do them everyday. Verbs made the improv so easy because it was so organic, and natural. It felt so real, which was once again so freaky, but so amazing!

Mad Cool...

Today we did improv again and this time I was in a group with Giandri and Shiana. In the improv, they where in the cool gang at school and I wanted to join. When I asked if I could join they turned me down because I wasn't cool enough. At first I was just pleading with them, acting all desperate, but when Giandri started to insult me I began to get defensive, and before I knew it I was "slapping" her and screaming at her and cursing (all things I really never do). I got so into it. I was actually mad at her! It was amazing. It was funny, everyone was so surprised because I'm never like that... I guess that's why they call it acting.

Cryin...

Another workshop, and again I'm sort of speechless. This week we got a little more intense. By the end of the day, there really wasn't a dry eye in the room. Jim Bonni's motto is love your feelings... dont jugdge your feelings... basically allow your self to feel your feelings. The idea of loving all you feelings, bad and good, is new for me. The thing is, all your life, you're taught not to allow yourself to feel bad or unpleasant feelings, and why would you want to? They're unpleasant. So I'm really trying to get myself into this new mindset, and little by little, I'm getting there. 

Dirty Dancin...

Today, we skipped the technique and went straight to the fun stuff; hip hop! I've taken a hip hop class once or twice, but I've never really studied it (although I've always wanted to). What I've learned from my past experiences, is I'm not exactly a natural (to put it gently). The thing with hip hop is that it's the polar opposite of what I've been studying my whole life. You have to completely throw all of your ballet technique out the window (which is so refreshing, but yet so hard). So I went into the workshop hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. I am glad to say, I was pleasantly surprised. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't look like a spastic chicken at all; I was sort of getting the hang of it... and most importantly, I was having fun. 

Jim Bonni?...

I really don't know what to say. I'm completely at a lose for words (so this will be a relatively short blog post)It was an experience like no other, I can definitely say that. I'm not really sure what happened in that dance studio, but something quit amazing happened, something that I don't think any of us could explain. We did these exercises at the beginning of class, which really can't be talked about, but then we did improv. Me and Megan were partners and we went first. We stood up in front of everybody and Jim Bonni asked them, what they thought the "relationship" was. They thought the two of us looked most like sisters, so that's what the improv was based on. Our motivation was that I was the "perfect" , "over-achiever" sister, and megan was the sister who felt like she was living under "my" shadow. I have to admit, improv always scared me a little, don't get me wrong, I liked it, but I would always get a little nervous and unsure. Now I don't know what happened, but during this improv I was completley comfortable, not one bit nervous. It was amazing. And what was even more amazing was how real it felt. It didn't feel like an improv at all. For a few minutes I actually believed that Megan was my sister. All I could say was "wow!"

Dancin'...

On Monday we had our first dance workshop with Matt. I loved it. We started with a mini pirouette lesson. He was really breaking everything down to the absolute basics. It was really nice to go over it step by step because in dance class, you never really have that opportunity. Sometimes, the very basic simple things, are more difficult than the complex things, if that makes any sense at all. So, basically I feel like I'm getting a lot out of this workshop. Then of course we learned a short combination. It's a classic ,high energy fun broadway combo, so obviously, I love it.  

Silent Noise #6...

Wow! That's really all I can say after seeing Gregg mime. He's amazing. When he mimes he makes it look so easy, which I know now first hand that mime is anything but. Now, Gregg didn't just create that "illusion", he did more than that. He made the illusion truly appear. The objects he was creating where actually visible. It was unbelievable.  While he was performing all of our jaws just dropped, we where all so amazed, it was very inspiring. Even though friday will be our last day with Gregg, I've decided it will not be my last day with mime. After seeing what years of practice and hard work can bring, how could I possibly give up now?

Silent Noise #5...

We did some more work on our final project. The whole metamorphosis thing is harder than I would've expected. I mean, I expected mime to be hard, but I never really thought about the actual creating of the mime. Mime, like dance, needs to be choreographed, and like a script it needs to be written. But in many ways it's a whole lot harder than simply choreographing or writing. There's so many more factors that come into play. When you are choreographing a dance the movement is symbolically representing something, so it's okay if your audience is a little confused because it's completely open for interpretation. And in a script, there are words that are spoken, so you have the visual and the audio to help you to understand it. But with mime, there is no speaking, and the movement is directly imitating an action that people experience in everyday life. That's why it's so hard. It's so simple, but yet so specific. It's definitely a challenge, but I'm loving every minute of it.

Silent Noise #4...

In our third class with Gregg we began to talk about our final project. It's all going to revolve around "ritual"; from hallow to meaningful, we are going to try and incorporate it all. It's going to be a metamorphosis, which is when something seems to be one thing, but then it turns out to be something else entirely. Gregg showed us some examples of this, and it's amazing, it's almost like magic the way it transforms right in front of your eyes. I still can't get over the whole illusion mime creates. It's all make believe but yet so real. It's this out of body experience that is sort of impossible to explain. It's so weird, but so cool. 

Silent Noise #3...

It's pretty amazing how much better I've gotten after only two classes with Gregg. On friday, he taught us "the robot". When I looked in the mirror I didn't even recognize myself. I didn't look human, I actually looked like a machine. It really freaked me out. What I am loving about mime is the fact that it's all an illusion, and even though you're creating the illusion, you still fall for the illusion. It's the strangest thing. Like, when I go to take a drink form my "glass" at the "bar", I'm surprised when nothing pours out. Mime is this whole world that is entirely make believe, but at the same time, seems more real than the one I live in. 

Silent Noise #2...

We had our first workshop with Gregg on tuesday. He is amazing; It was amazing. Mime is obviously extremely hard, but Gregg is such a good teacher that I was able to get the hang of things, well at least the basics. I also think being a dancer makes it a little easier, because if you think about it, mime is dancing. There's technique, choreography, and it's all about expressing emotion with your body. But the thing that makes mime unique is it's invisible. It reminds me of the "holy" chapter of the empty space. It's all about making the invisible visible. With mime, you create your own world, and it can be anything you want it to be.  

Silent Noise #1...

After googling Gregg Goldston, its pretty clear that this guy is one of the best and most accomplished mimes in the world, or simply just one of the coolest guys in the world (I cannot believe that I am going to have the chance to work with him!). Gregg Goldston has performed all over the world with various mime groups. He's even worked with the father of mime himself, Marcel Marceau. He's also been seen on Law and Order, The Daily Show and several TV commercials. He has held numerous workshops and summer intensives, and is now teaching at his own Studio for Mime and Comedy. He is currently in the middle of writing a book on mime choreography, and creating a 7-tape series on mime and physical comedy. 
I am so excited for tomorrow. It's going to be so much fun!

3,2,1...

First blog of the new year, and I don't really know what to say. So much has happened this passed year, so much has changed. Even looking back a month or two ago, everything was so different. Sometimes it seems like nothing is the same. Don't get the wrong idea though. I'm happy things have changed, actually more than than happy. Much more. Things where good then, but they are great now. So, why wouldn't I be happy? There's just one thing, time. It's strange to think how numbers placed around a circle with two moving lines in the center can have so much power. It's not the fact that so much has changed, and it's not even the fact that it happened so quickly that scares me. It's how quickly it felt. You know the saying "time flies when you're having fun"? Well obviously that's just a figure of speech. It's impossible for time to speed up, or slow down, or even stand still (although sometimes we would like it to.) I think a more accurate saying would be "time feels like it flies when you're having fun". The thing is, you can feel time passing, you can even see it in a way, but you can't control it, and yet it has the power to control so much. Yes, it has the power to change a thursday into a friday, or make you late for an appointment, but that's not where it's true power lies. It's true power lies in it's ability to change us. Like I said before, I'm very happy with all the changes that have taken place over this past year, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to all the changes that are going to take place this coming year, but I just wish that this year could last a little longer.