Friday was good. I think I would call it a breakthrough, well a small one at least. It's funny because I was exhausted, not feeling that great, and not really in the mood to be doing this. That was the key though.
When Andrew and I were working on the scene I was mostly focused on memorizing it so I would be able to perform it at 2:15 (and wouldn't get yelled at). I was tired and so I wasn't really focused on the "acting". I wasn't trying and that might have been the best thing I could've done. I didn't realize it at the time but this let me focus on Andrew and not worry about what I was doing. I wasn't concerned about being good and so I wasn't caught up with myself. For the first time in my life I wasn't over analyzing my every move and that was very refreshing. It felt free and easy. This also helped with something else... Nerves. I know it sounds silly because these are my friends but whenever I have to perform for STAC I get nervous. Sometimes nerves help me but other times they kill me. They make me freeze up and stiff and fake. It's the most frustrating thing in the world. A second before it will be fine, but once I'm in front of an audience it suddenly sucks. Of course this is a result of my "self analysis" and since I wasn't doing that here something strange happened. Something that I don't think ever happened before. When I was doing it for the class it was better (and easier even) than when we were doing it alone. I wasn't as aware of the audience as I usually am. Of course there was apart of me that wanted to perform for them and be "good" but even still, most of my attention was on Andrew. As I was doing the scene I didn't have this false sense of acting like I usually do. It didn't feel like acting at all. It was just me and Andrew having a conversation with words that weren't our own. I was truly present. I'm not really sure what else to say. I don't really think the answer is I have to be tired whenever I act. I wish there was an answer. Like a formula or something that I could use to get me to this place. Of course there is not. All I can do is try not to be so self-analytical, which will help me as an actress and a person.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
The best movies...
The best movies stick with you. They make make you think. They make you feel.
The best movies give. They aren't selfish. They let the audience take whatever it needs. No questions asked.
The best movies are not entertainment. They don't bring you into another world just so you can escape your own. They help you open your eyes. They don't let them glaze over while glued to the screen.
Silver Linings Playbook is one of those "best movies". Whenever I go see a movie I focus on the acting. When you watch good acting it's stupid not to try to study it. I mean why would anyone pass up a master class with Robert DeNiro for the reasonable price of $11. That's be ridiculous. For this movie though, I couldn't do that. I think it's pretty much considered a fact that Robert DeNiro is an amazing actor, and Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper aren't half bad themselves (they are all nominated for Oscars). Yet I couldn't sit there and simply be in awe of their acting. Watching their every move taking mental notes. I couldn't notice their acting. It doesn't mean I didn't appreciate it, and it doesn't mean I didn't like it, I'm actual trying to give a compliment. It's of course a testament to how great they all are. I guess if I wasn't able to notice their acting, that means that I really did believe them. But this is not a new observation for me. I've known for a while now that good acting isn't acting, it's sort of just being, which on a side note is the reason I really do hate that word. Acting. It's confusing, but anyway the point I'm trying to get at is I made a new observation. The reason the movie was such a success was because the actors were so generous. They were not selfish. They did not take. They gave all they had until they had nothing more to give. It's hard as an actor (or anyone with an ego) to not have a sense of "look at me!" when they are acting, especially when they are doing something great. It's like the whole idea behind a spot light. Its shining on the actor, so you can only look at him, you have no choice. Everything becomes about the actor. Now it's not exactly a bad thing, I would say it's more like a human thing. It can even be a good thing because it gives the actor command and power. The remarkable thing was the actors in this film weren't doing anything like that. They were feeding the film, not their egos. Not even a little bit. It's especially impressive for someone like Jennifer Lawrence who's an amateur compared to DeNiro, and to be in a scene with him and not to try to command any attention... Kind of amazing. She did not try to prove herself or even hold her own. She gave to him, and he gave in return. The selflessness of the actors was what made this film so remarkable.
The best part wasn't only that the spotlight wasn't on the actors, it was that the spotlight was on the audience. Pretty cool.
The best movies give. They aren't selfish. They let the audience take whatever it needs. No questions asked.
The best movies are not entertainment. They don't bring you into another world just so you can escape your own. They help you open your eyes. They don't let them glaze over while glued to the screen.
Silver Linings Playbook is one of those "best movies". Whenever I go see a movie I focus on the acting. When you watch good acting it's stupid not to try to study it. I mean why would anyone pass up a master class with Robert DeNiro for the reasonable price of $11. That's be ridiculous. For this movie though, I couldn't do that. I think it's pretty much considered a fact that Robert DeNiro is an amazing actor, and Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper aren't half bad themselves (they are all nominated for Oscars). Yet I couldn't sit there and simply be in awe of their acting. Watching their every move taking mental notes. I couldn't notice their acting. It doesn't mean I didn't appreciate it, and it doesn't mean I didn't like it, I'm actual trying to give a compliment. It's of course a testament to how great they all are. I guess if I wasn't able to notice their acting, that means that I really did believe them. But this is not a new observation for me. I've known for a while now that good acting isn't acting, it's sort of just being, which on a side note is the reason I really do hate that word. Acting. It's confusing, but anyway the point I'm trying to get at is I made a new observation. The reason the movie was such a success was because the actors were so generous. They were not selfish. They did not take. They gave all they had until they had nothing more to give. It's hard as an actor (or anyone with an ego) to not have a sense of "look at me!" when they are acting, especially when they are doing something great. It's like the whole idea behind a spot light. Its shining on the actor, so you can only look at him, you have no choice. Everything becomes about the actor. Now it's not exactly a bad thing, I would say it's more like a human thing. It can even be a good thing because it gives the actor command and power. The remarkable thing was the actors in this film weren't doing anything like that. They were feeding the film, not their egos. Not even a little bit. It's especially impressive for someone like Jennifer Lawrence who's an amateur compared to DeNiro, and to be in a scene with him and not to try to command any attention... Kind of amazing. She did not try to prove herself or even hold her own. She gave to him, and he gave in return. The selflessness of the actors was what made this film so remarkable.
The best part wasn't only that the spotlight wasn't on the actors, it was that the spotlight was on the audience. Pretty cool.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Scene Work...
This week I was forced to analyze scenes from How To Succeed. Unlike a lot of people I actually enjoy this stuff. It's tedious and frustrating but interesting and so valuable (and it makes me feel smart). I was meaning to do it from the start but it was a combination of laziness, fear, and confusion that was stopping me. So now I have it done for two scenes and I already have such a deeper understanding of my part. A brief character description: Hedy's dream is to become a big businesswoman . She is cleverly working her way to the top using sex. She is starting to take shape in my mind. I can see the way she walks, I can hear the way she talks, and I understand what she wants. Even more valuable than that, I understand what's going on in the scenes. It's shocking and a little embarrassing how clueless I've always been. Simply understanding the plot is not nearly enough. So here's the obstacle. You know the saying "the more I see the less I know"? I feel like the more I learn about acting and the more I analyze the script the harder it becomes. There's so much information to process and I can't seem to figure out how to apply my analysis to the scenes without over thinking and as a result completely shutting off. I always knew acting was hard but I never realized how much thinking there was involved. But thinking will be the death of me. As a person my problem is always thinking too much, and therefore I have the same problem as an actress. I think I have a remedy. I have to keep in mind that there's no one way to do something. Just because one approach doesn't work for me doesn't make me a bad actress. The greatest part is I already discovered something that works for me, subtext. Both the verbal and physical action (this really helped me with Chava last year). Somehow talking and moving inside my head helps me to get out of my head. I think it's partly because it makes it more fun. And now I have a way of applying the scene analysis. It gives me a starting point to derive my subtext from so it works for the scene. Of course my ultimate goal is for this to be simply a means of getting into it and once the scene takes off I will just go along with the ride. But if that doesn't happen that's okay. After all, a little thinking never hurt anybody.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
A reflection...
The acting workshop with Donald was a success but the performance was a failure. Why? It was more than a lack of rehearsal and performance jitters. Something went terribly wrong. The hard thing about this is that when you're in it it's hard to observe it, but after hearing some feedback I think I have a theory. The scale was too small. In the workshop we worked with a 6x6 ft. box but the stage we performed on was much bigger. It was like translating film acting to theatre theatre acting. The subtleties that worked well in the box simply did not read in the auditorium. Since we were not used to playing in such a big space, we got lost and the energy completely died. The performance was boring as an actor so I can't imagine what it was like for the audience. I'm not sure if this means that this technique is better suited for film or we just didn't apply it correctly. Maybe all we needed was a shot of expresso. I'm not exactly sure what the solution is but at least I have an idea of the problem.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
A sneak preview...
On Wednesday I got a sneak preview of what my college experience will be like. Well, really what the rest of my life will be like, but lets stay in the moment shall we? For the following blog post I am going to assume that I will be studying musical theatre in college, and then of course go on to have a successful broadway career. I understand that this is in no way, shape, or form a guarantee, but I am tired of second guessing myself. I am tired of saying "if" or "maybe", from now on it's only "when" and "why not?".
This Wednesday I attended a Dance convention at the Tiles Center. My day started off with an African Dance class, followed by lunch, a yoga class, an a judication, and finally a performance. I think what really struck me as "cool" (for lack of a better words) is that every single second I was there, whether it was in class, on stage, or in the dressing room, I truly felt like I belonged. I was meant to do this, all of it, everything in my being was designed for it. This was confirmed when I got home that evening. Usually after a day of school I come home exhausted. I am drained and empty, and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. But when I got home on wednesday night, after a 13 hour day of dance, I couldn't have been more awake. I was charged like there was an electric current flowing through my body. Now I finally understand what Elton John was writing about (I am referring to Electricity form Billy Eliot). The purpose of life is to find what makes you feel alive, and just do it. It's as simple as that. I consider myself one of the lucky ones that I've discovered this so early on. Some may say that a career in the arts is unstable and unpredictable, but I beg to differ. I know, if I perform for the rest of my life, I am guaranteed happiness, and after that what else really matters.
So I really couldn't be more pleased with this sneak preview. If it is as accurate as I think, I am headed for a life of electricity, security, and happiness. Sounds great.
This Wednesday I attended a Dance convention at the Tiles Center. My day started off with an African Dance class, followed by lunch, a yoga class, an a judication, and finally a performance. I think what really struck me as "cool" (for lack of a better words) is that every single second I was there, whether it was in class, on stage, or in the dressing room, I truly felt like I belonged. I was meant to do this, all of it, everything in my being was designed for it. This was confirmed when I got home that evening. Usually after a day of school I come home exhausted. I am drained and empty, and all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. But when I got home on wednesday night, after a 13 hour day of dance, I couldn't have been more awake. I was charged like there was an electric current flowing through my body. Now I finally understand what Elton John was writing about (I am referring to Electricity form Billy Eliot). The purpose of life is to find what makes you feel alive, and just do it. It's as simple as that. I consider myself one of the lucky ones that I've discovered this so early on. Some may say that a career in the arts is unstable and unpredictable, but I beg to differ. I know, if I perform for the rest of my life, I am guaranteed happiness, and after that what else really matters.
So I really couldn't be more pleased with this sneak preview. If it is as accurate as I think, I am headed for a life of electricity, security, and happiness. Sounds great.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Day 65...
Day 65: I am thankful that whenever you loose something it always has a way of coming back to you.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
My Confession...
My Confession: I like to write songs.
Although I can hardly call myself a "song writer", (I've only ever completed two songs- three if you count the one I wrote in third grade) it is something most people don't know about me. Maybe it's just never come up in conversation or maybe I'm just scared, I don't know. It's something that is an experience unlike any other. It is true creation. You are producing every aspect of it. When you're acting it's somebody else's words, when you're dancing it's somebody else's choreography, but when you're writing songs, it is all your own. It's cool. Also music seems to make everything make more sense. In song-form, things are easier to understand and feelings are easier to deal with. Like I said before I've only experienced this twice in my life, but I absolutely love it. I finished my second song several months ago and then out of fear, kind of just pushed it aside. I guess the next step would be to show people (other than my family) and I was simply not ready for that. Now I am, thanks to Molly. Molly has been writing songs as well and she is quit good. Today she shared a very personal song with me and if she can do it, so can I. The song is named Her. Disclaimer: It's not a true story, but since it came from my brain it must have some truth to it, right? I am taking baby steps, I am only posting the lyrics tonight, but I will definitely post a recording of it later on in the week (whether I want to or not). Here goes nothing...
Although I can hardly call myself a "song writer", (I've only ever completed two songs- three if you count the one I wrote in third grade) it is something most people don't know about me. Maybe it's just never come up in conversation or maybe I'm just scared, I don't know. It's something that is an experience unlike any other. It is true creation. You are producing every aspect of it. When you're acting it's somebody else's words, when you're dancing it's somebody else's choreography, but when you're writing songs, it is all your own. It's cool. Also music seems to make everything make more sense. In song-form, things are easier to understand and feelings are easier to deal with. Like I said before I've only experienced this twice in my life, but I absolutely love it. I finished my second song several months ago and then out of fear, kind of just pushed it aside. I guess the next step would be to show people (other than my family) and I was simply not ready for that. Now I am, thanks to Molly. Molly has been writing songs as well and she is quit good. Today she shared a very personal song with me and if she can do it, so can I. The song is named Her. Disclaimer: It's not a true story, but since it came from my brain it must have some truth to it, right? I am taking baby steps, I am only posting the lyrics tonight, but I will definitely post a recording of it later on in the week (whether I want to or not). Here goes nothing...
I, turn around and you take my picture,
Reach out my hand and say how do you do sir?
How is the weather? I’ve been better?
Tell me about your 365 letters,
That you sent when you went,
But the rain got them wet,
So you should go and catch her.
A picture’s worth a thousand words, but you can’t draw,
So you will write her forever.
But all you need are these three words, and it can hurt
But couldn’t say it any better.
Give, me the keys and I’ll turn the car on,
Hasn’t been long she can’t be very far gone.
Pen and paper, go out and get her,
I wouldn’t mind if you even wanted to play her,
That song that we heard that night
Though it wouldn’t feel right,
But you can go and get her.
A picture’s worth a thousand words, but you can’t draw,
So you will write her forever,
But all you need are these three words, and it may hurt
But couldn’t say it any better.
Just want to know if you still remember,
Decemeber 9th ,we spent it together
It was snowing, harder than ever,
And you told me, you could stay here forever.
But that’s not what you meant
Or maybe you forget
Or I’m just not her.
A picture’s worth a thousand words, but I can’t draw
So I will write you forever.
But all I need are these three words, and it will hurt
But couldn’t say it any better
Every now and then, I can’t help but wonder
Did you ever look at me the way you did her?
Could’ve been love or just bad timing?
Or maybe you and I were just pushing and trying,
Too hard at make believe,
Cause in the end you will leave,
To go and get her.
A picture's worth a thousand words, but I can't draw
So I will write you forever.
But all I need are these three words, and it will hurt
But couldn't say it any better
Monday, February 4, 2013
I like to blog...
I posted two blog posts tonight (three if you count this one) and I feel great. It's like exercise for my head. My head often gets so jumbled with thoughts and ideas and feelings and doubts and everything. Sometimes my head is in the clouds and sometimes it's filled with concrete. The worst is when my head starts to produce contradictory thoughts. I think just to annoy me my mind will start to think two completely opposite thoughts at once. I kind of sound crazy, but not to worry, I've found my remedy... Blogging! It releases everything that's been crammed inside what I think might be my somewhat smaller than average brain. My head feels the most clear than it has all day. I know I have said this before but now I mean it, I am going to blog.
I would like to clarify something. The reason I haven't been blogging as much as I should is not because I don't like to write (I happen to love writing) but I have this irrational idea that everything on my blog has to be brilliant. I somehow came to believe that if my blog isn't intelligent and eloquent, it means I'm stupid. Well I guess I'll just have to risk it, stupid or not, I'm going to blog.
I would like to clarify something. The reason I haven't been blogging as much as I should is not because I don't like to write (I happen to love writing) but I have this irrational idea that everything on my blog has to be brilliant. I somehow came to believe that if my blog isn't intelligent and eloquent, it means I'm stupid. Well I guess I'll just have to risk it, stupid or not, I'm going to blog.
Warm Bodies...
I saw Sara's blog post about Warm Bodies so I figured I should blog about it as well. The three of us (Sara, Caitlin, and I) saw it last friday. I loved it. I think it might be the best Teen Romantic Comedy I've seen in a long time. It was so good. The reason I know it was good is as I was watching it I found myself trying to find things wrong with it. This always happens when I'm watching something truly brilliant. It's a combination of believing it's just too good to be true, and not trusting my own instincts. It's extremely annoying, but it really is how I know if something is good or not. So I guess we've established that it was good. So, why was it good? Well, lets start with the acting. Nicholas Holt was phenomenal. He played a love struck Zombie slowly becoming human again as he falls further and further in love with a girl. For the majority of the film his only dialogue is grunting, moaning, and the words "Keep. You. Safe." Yes, you hear a voice over of his thoughts through out the film, but really everything was portrayed through his body language. I really don't know how he did it because he was playing a zombie, and I think by definition a Zombie is an emotionless creature? The "externals" (yes I am using vocabulary from Donald's workshop) like his zombie walk and his blink-less eyes were so believable and realistic. He did not allow himself to get distracted by such strong and some what binding externals. My new found interest in externals is due to How to Succeed. I am playing Hedy La Rue and she has a plethora of externals to work with. Her walk, her stance, and don't forget that oh so lovely voice. She's even drunk in one scene. This has been extremely challenging for me. It's awfully distracting. I find myself just focusing on the voice or the walk or the "drunkenness". The key for me is, like the book said, is to make these characteristics habitual. Then I'll be free to put my focus on the other actors and actresses. This is what made Nicholas's performance such a success. His zombieness was second nature for him. He didn't have to think about it. So all I have to do is not think. Easy enough.
The Words...
Today we looked at David Mamet and it confirmed something for me. Throughout my time here in STAC I've been trying to discover what "acting" really is. I knew I loved it. I knew I wanted to be good at it. But I simply didn't know what it was. Like I've said in previous posts, I had developed an obsession with the script. I wanted so badly to become the character and not only say the lines but live the lines. After being in STAC for 2 and half years (wow, how the time flies) I know not that this is bullsh*t. It's simply impossible to become a character and "live" the lines, because that's simply not how humans operate. Now getting to David Mamet, his scripts are so ridiculously flat and simple. Characters repeat words and rephrase lines that were previously said. It has never been more clear to me that the words simply don't matter. They really could be saying anything. It doesn't matter. I'm just going to keep repeating this until I've convinced myself. The words don't matter. The words don't matter. The words don't matter. Well, let me clarify. They don't matter for the actor. Yet they matter a whole lot for the audience, I think for obvious reasons.
Now of course, there are different schools of thought and some acting techniques are all about the lines. But I'm sticking with this for now. I think the words will always matter to me. I like words. But going with this school of thought sort of balances things out. It will keep me from getting distracted by the words, but I will never ignore them. They were written for a reason.
Now of course, there are different schools of thought and some acting techniques are all about the lines. But I'm sticking with this for now. I think the words will always matter to me. I like words. But going with this school of thought sort of balances things out. It will keep me from getting distracted by the words, but I will never ignore them. They were written for a reason.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Day 60...
Day 60: I am thankful that we are 4 weeks away. And I'm not even scared.
Not yet, at least.
Not yet, at least.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)