Step 1...

Step 1: Admitting you have a problem

I think I've figured out my problem (well at least my main problem) , and I guess that's the first step. I'm pretty sure I was sort of aware of it before, but I don't think I was able to admit it or simply understand it until now. I had my revelation tuesday during our acting class. We were all siting around in a circle with Luke in the middle holding two water guns, one was full, and the other empty. He went around to everybody, one at a time, and stuck the guns in their faces. The point of this exercise was to experience true emotion. To have an honest reaction without acting. That was never a problem for me. In fact it was always quit easy for me to be in the moment and react truthfully. I really understand the whole idea that acting is really not acting. Now, here comes my problem. I didn't figure it out by myself, Luke actually pointed it out to me. He was saying how when you're in a scene, and lets say your scared because someone is holding a gun to your head. If you get really into it and feel actual fear, then all of a sudden you're like "Oh Yay! I'm scared!", and then your out of it. That, there is my problem. When I begin to actually feel something, I get so excited that before I know it, I'm not feeling it anymore. It's almost as if acting is too fun for me. I know it's a silly thing to say but I mean, even if I'm in a scene where I'm hysterically crying, I find myself really having fun, but I'm crying, and that's not supposed to be fun. I know I have to find a balance, but the question is "How?". I guess that'll be step 2...

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

Back to shcool means back to the blog. 

When I signed on to my blog for the first time in, well, a really long time, I scrolled all the way down to the bottom of the page, and what did I find? My very first blog post posted exactly one year ago. As I read it, I was brought back to that first day of high school, and that first time I walked through the STAC room doors. I remember feeling, well, pretty much everything! Excitement, curiosity, fear, and kind of overwhelmed. I guess a more suitable term to describe it would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And now, walking into the STAC room doors for the probably the 43234092nd time, I'm still sorta feeling that supercalifragilisticexpialidocious feeling, except it feels different this time, well sort of. I guess it's the same minus the fear and overwhelmingness (if that's a word?) . Now I have to apologize for my current lack of ability to express my self with actual words. I guess it's the result of a blogging free summer, clearly I'm a little rusty.

Well speaking of expressing myself, I guess it's a good time to talk about what we did today. Our project for the day was to create yet another mural. We all started with pencil and wrote our names, then we branched out and wrote something we loved, and the branched out from there and wrote we loved about that, and then what we loved about that and I think you get the point. When I pictured this in my head I was picturing a white wall, with lots of small, separate webs. So we started to write. You know, I was surprised at how hard it was to actually think of what ever it was that I loved, but then once I thought of it, it was extremely easy to think of  why I loved it. It was strange how that worked, isn't it? It really puzzled me and I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. So, I was making my web and something happened that I was not expecting. My web was beginning to intertwine with other webs, and it was happening so naturally, like it was supposed to happen. There's really only one explanation for it, we all are a lot more similar than we thought. It makes sense considering we all have a passion for the arts, but since we are all so different, it's easy to forget that, at the end of the day, we are all pretty much the same, and stepping back at the end of the day to see our mural, not being able to tell where one web ended and one began, it became very, very clear. It was really cool, no, more than that... 

it was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.