One more Big Think...

As we've established I'm not religious and I do not observe Shabbat. But maybe I should? Or at least partake in a "Technology Shabbat". To say that we are addicted to technology, that it has taken over our lives and consumes us 24/7 is an understatement. It's become an extension of ourselves. We have come to believe that we can't live without it. Somehow we have found that connecting with millions of people we don't even know is more important that  connecting with our friends and families (I truly believe Technology can lead to world peace, but that means it's very powerful, and when not used carefully has the potential to do just as much harm as good). So maybe we should all observe a "Technology Shabbat", whether we are jewish or not. If we unplug, take our eyes off the screen, and actually look at what's around us I think we would be a lot happier. I think we would appreciate more. I think we would learn more. I think we would experience our life more. When you really think about, we have traded the real world for a virtual world. Maybe it's because it's safer, maybe it's because it's in our control... I don' know.  But all I know is that the benefit of leaving the virtual world from time to time and reentering the real world is invaluable. I'm going to make a vow to every once and a while stop instagramming my lunch, and actually sit back and enjoy the meal. 

The next Big Think...

The only thing that separates humans from all other animals is our ability to create art. It is our need to communicate. Our hunger to explain. And our overpowering want to connect with others. A humans being purpose isn't to merely survive physically, like most other animals who are driven by a hunger food in order to sustain themselves. We need to feed our minds and our souls, not just our bodies. The meaning of life can very well be simply to survive it, but I don't think humans will ever accept that (even if that's all there is to it). It's our desire to find meaning (even in places where there is no meaning to be found). We want something more. And we get it - at least artists do. Artists embody this human need, hunger, want and desire. It exists in everybody but it's more powerful for us artists. I don't think this makes us more special (although we like to think it does). I think it simply makes us more human. More weak. More imperfect. More vulnerable. More sensitive... the list goes on and on. Because if life is truly about survival, and it's survival of the fittest, than where does that leave us weak, sensitive and vulnerable artists? It leaves us in the studio creating, because that's all that we can be certain of. 

Another Big Think...

Technology gives a voice to billions of people who previously have had none.
I don't know if this sounds entirely too idealistic but I think technology can lead to world peace.
The most important thing in relationship is communication. We, as the human race, are all in a relationship with  each other. In order for this relationship to be a healthy and sustainable one we need to listen, respect, and learn about each other. How can we do this? Technology. Technology allows us to talk to someone half way around the world in a matter of seconds. We can text people in Australia and Skype with people in Japan. Technology connects us like never before. Please excuse my corny metaphor but Technology is a thread than sew up this gaping hole that is tearing our world apart. I don't think humans are innately bad - although watching about 30 seconds of any news show might convince you otherwise. I think our main problem is that we don't listen. We are ignorant, oblivious, and a little self involved. Our most important sense, hearing, is probably the weakest. Sight is much stronger. Hearing about a horrible genocide in Uganda maybe will make us frown for a few seconds and let out a sigh, but it does nothing to truly affect us. However talking with someone who has survived it. Or seeing photos of the dead and wounded victims. THAT affects us like nothing else can. Humans are visual beings. After all, a pictures worth a thousand words. And technology is a medium that allows us to share these "pictures" with the world. 
I think technology can excite passion, compassion, kindness, tolerance, and empathy. And that's the key to world peace- understanding. 

Big Think, again...

Babies are better scientists than adults. That honestly doesn't surprise me. Apparently it's because babies have more neural and synapses connections being formed than adults do. I just think it's because babies are more curious that adults are. Every thing is new for them so everything excites them. They see something that they don't know about and they want to learn more. They have a passion for learning that we loose as we get older. Even as a 17 year old, I merely accept what I don't know. My interest in learning is limited to simply finding out more about what I already know. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing all the time. It means I am always working to get better and improving my skills. But it's also kind of sad. Things that we have no clue about should excite us, but they don't. There are two explanations for this: either humans are scared or lazy. I think it's a little bit of both. I think humans are born as close to perfection as they ever will be. They are pure, clean, and untouched. But as they grown they are tainted and torn and stained. As we grow up we become less and less perfect. Part of this imperfection is our lack of curiosity. Those of us who this doesn't apply to are not more perfect than the next guy, they simply work harder at overcoming it. They don't allow their laziness or fear to get in the way. 
The moral of the story? Don't ever grow up.

Big Think...

Going along with the theme of religion... Who's to say that god exists? Who's to say that he/she doesn't?
How can any one say "I know there is no god". But how can anyone say "I know confidently there is a god". There's no way to prove it and there's no way to disprove. This further proves that religion is a bunch of rubbish but it also proves that you can't truly ride it off. Religion was created to explain why things are the way they are but Religion itself can't be explained. Therefore Religion doesn't really serve it's purpose but at the same time who are we to determine it's purpose if we don't even understand it. When I think about this Big Think by head hurts. There's no answer. It's a circle. How do you prove or disprove something that has no proof. You either have to blindly believe or blindly reject. Either way, you're blind, and that doesn't sound too good to me. That's just one more reason that I choose art. Honestly I wish I could believe in god. To believe so fully and whole heartedly is admirable. I am envious of those who have such faith without the need of evidence or proof. But I can't be like that. I can't be blind. Which is why art is my religion. Like I said before, I need something to believe in, and it can't be religion. Despite all my problems I have with religion, the main reason I don't choose it is because I don't know what to make of it. Whether this is how god "intended" it or not, I don't know and I don't care. I can't believe in someone who doesn't have the guts to prove their existence (because if this is how god intended it, it seems kind of cowardly if you ask me). Again, this is why I choose art. Artists are the gutsiest people alive. They are brave... they take risks... they have faith (and not in some god, but in themselves). Those are the kind of people who I want to believe in. That's the kind of person I want to be. 

Art is my religion...

Talking about myth got me thinking, I really hate religion. I identify with being jewish but it's the cultural aspect (ie. Hanukkah and the food) that is important to me, not all the gibber gabber that's in the torah. I think religion has admirable intentions but it does more harm than good. Instead of promoting love it promotes hate. It's a tool that simply doesn't work. It's a machine that will lead to the destruction of the human race. I just think we tried, but it's time to give up. I also don't believe in god. Don't get me wrong I consider myself to be a very spiritual person. I believe in a higher power, just not in the god that religion presents to us. 

In class we talked about the purpose of myth and religion. Why do we have it? It was created to explain things that can't be explained with simple logic and reasoning. It's meant to give us comfort and remind us that we're not alone. It shows us other people who have gone through the same things that we are going through and have gotten through it. It gives us hope. It warns us of what can become of us if we make the wrong decisions and do bad things. It teaches us lessons. 
This sounds oddly familiar. It sounds like a movie. Movie's essentially serve the same purpose as religion. They comfort, inspire, and teach us. I've decided that since I hate religion, I need something else to believe in. I choose movies. My religion is movies. And my favorite characters are like my version of god.  Actually I think they're better than god. Unlike god, they are not these all powerful beings that have no basis in reality or proof of existence (or instill fear to get you to do good things). Instead, they are real people, who you know don't really exist, but inspire you anyway. They relate to you and teach you how and why you should do good things. They are much more relevant and useful than god is. 
This got me thinking which characters would I file under this category. Harry Potter was the first that came to mind. I would much rather believe in Harry Potter than some old guy who lives in the sky, has a beard and wears a robe and sandals. Like I said before, it's more useful to believe in Harry Potter. He's a person who has struggled, experienced pain, doubted, suffered, persevered, fought, and survived. God on the other hand is this all powerful being who can do pretty much anything with the snap of his fingers. In my opinion he doesn't have much to offer me. Harry is a much better role model. He's an inspiration. He's someone I can really learn from. 
Of course this doesn't only apply to Harry Potter and it most certainly doesn't only apply to movies. Dance is my religion. Music is my religion. Books are my religion. To put it simply, Art is my religion. Art is about explaining things that can not be explained with words. It's about reaching out and touching people. It inspires, it gives hope, it teaches us, it comforts us. Most importantly though, it's about creating... making this world into something beautiful. It's the same as religion but better. Because religion celebrates what god has created. Art celebrates what we have created, and that's definitely something I want to believe in. 

Shakespeare...

The two most important things I learned at the Workshop? 
1. Shakespeare can be fun (and silly and crazy)
2. How to spell Shakespeare

I think I'm in the minority of High School students who actually like Shakespeare. Though my knowledge is limited (I've only read 4 plays). So I was very excited to hear that we were having a Shakespeare workshop. Acting in a Shakespeare play is definitely on my bucket list. I've never done it (which I think is okay considering I'm only 17) but I've always wanted to. 
The workshop definitely met my expectations. I loved it. A lot of times workshops are challenging and serious (which isn't a bad thing), but this was just really fun (along with being challenging of course). I knew I would enjoy myself but I was surprised at how fun this was. I had this idea of Shakespeare being deep and complicated. I always thought that acting Shakespeare would be really serious and would take lots of analyzing and work and focus and seriousness. And I think this can be true. But, what I learned on Thursday was that Shakespeare is just Shakespeare. It has this big bad reputation but acting it is just like acting anything else. Yes, no matter how you slice it Shakespeare is hard, but it doesn't mean it  can't be fun, silly, crazy, and quit frankly, simple. At the workshop I learned just how fun, silly, crazy, and simple it can be. 

We started with looking through our sonnets and picking out our favorite words. Next we closed our eyes, and imagined what each word would look like (fun). Then we put actions and sounds to each word (silly). Lastly, we performed our sonnets while doing these actions (crazy). And it surprisingly worked (simple). I went first (going along with my theme of how much I've grown, I was proud of myself for just jumping in- and it wasn't that scary- which was really cool). I did the monologue with the actions for the class. Although it felt a little strange, it wasn't scary and it wasn't hard. It was just like what we do with any other monologue (physical action subtext). It didn't take a lot of thinking. It didn't take a lot of analyzing. It was just Shakespeare. 

I'm glad I cleared up this misconception and I can't wait for our next workshop.
Most importantly though, I'm glad that I can finally spell Shakespeare. 

A pill...

Last week I had a breakthrough: I swallowed a pill with water. 

I was in school and suddenly a huge throbbing headache overcame me. I needed to take Advil to lessen the excruciating pain but I had a problem... there was no applesauce. Yes, I was 17 years old and I needed to put a pill in apple sauce in order to swallow it. I was afraid of swallowing a pill with water because after all I could choke and die. But when I say I had a headache that is an understatement. My head had never hurt so badly in my life. I knew despite my lack of apple sauce I needed to take this pill. I had two options: I could either risk taking the pill with water and possibly die, or I could not take the pill and definitely die (from my head exploding in pain). I chose the first option. So with a deep breath, I put the pill on my tongue and took a big gulp of water. And what happened? It worked. I didn't die. And my head felt better. I realized that I've swallowed pills a million times, the only difference was that  apple sauce hid it. So I was essentially afraid of doing something that I've already done.  My fear was totally illogical. It was all in my head. 

This ridiculous metaphor represents an important lesson I've learned this quarter. This lesson is that my fear is all in my head. In other words, I'm afraid of things that just aren't worth being afraid of (ie. I'm afraid of problems that don't exist). I think a problem I have is I under estimate myself. I think I can do a lot more than I think I can do. No. I KNOW I can do a lot more than I think I can do. I'm not saying I don't believe in myself (because I do), but... How should I put this? I don't "think" in myself. To put this in terms that actually make sense: I  know in my heart that I can do it but in my head there are always a billion doubts. As much as I believe in myself I doubt myself just as much. So this year will be about continuing to believe in myself but learning to doubt myself less. Because self doubt is the worst thing you can possibly allow yourself to partake in. 

Deformed Baby...

The whole process of creating and filming was really fun but the process of editing and showing was what really taught me something (because it was all new). I've never edited a movie before and it was definitely an interesting experience. It's a love - hate relationship. It was torture but I enjoyed it. Editing a 5 minute movie took probably about 15 hours. I think this was partly because of my lack of skill and partly because editing is really hard. I learned a lot editing this movie and my skills definitely improved. But the most important thing I learned is how hard it is (which I already knew but I had know idea just how hard). Who knew that editing 30 seconds could take 2 hours? Who knew that by either including or cutting .5 seconds of the shot could totally change the flow of the sequence? Who knew that the music can either make or break the whole movie? Who knew just how many decisions you have to make? This experience totally revolutionized the way I think of movie making. Before, when thinking about how a movie is made the first words that come to mind are directors and actors. Then writers, producers, costume and set designers, camera men, composers, advertising committees... but way way way down the list was editors. Now I know that these people belong at the very top. Yes the story is the story and the shots are the shots but how a movie is edited can totally transform it. The editors are perhaps the most powerful and influential people working on a film. As I edited the movie, I shaped it, and that was a really cool experience. I knew that if any other person in my group were to edit the same shots it would look totally different. Not better or worse, just different. And that fascinates me. It's amazing how 5 people, who all took part in creating it,  and know the movie like the back of their hands could have such different views on how it should look. I knew that with every cut I was making a decision that the members of my group perhaps would not agree with. But this made it exciting. And then when I showed the final cut to my group and they liked it, this made it very rewarding. All those 15 hours really paid off. At this point, the movie looked like a brand new beautiful baby. 

Then when it was time to show the movie to the class, something happened. Our happy little beautiful baby lost an arm, grew a sixth finger, and got all pale. Our baby had become deformed. As I was watching I became so critical of everything. Nothing looked as good as it did before and the mistakes might as well have been paused, rewinded, and played over and over again. I found myself wanting to speak up and make excuses for the class. I cringed at each awkward cut and fidgeted when the music didn't match the shot. I just didn't like it as much as I had before. Then something surprising happened: everyone else did. Don't get me wrong they had their critiques (as I suddenly saw their were several plot holes that need to be addressed), but for the most part it was a positive review. However it didn't take away all the things that I now knew needed to be fixed. I learned a very important lesson from this. The importance of an outsiders eye can never be overlooked. Just like you should always have your mom edit your research papers and have your friend approve your outfits, you should always show your community your work. There is only so much you are capable of seeing with your own eyes (after all you are a little biased), so at a certain point the only way anything can get better is from the help of others (whether that other is your friend who plays soccer or is a fellow artist in your community - everybody's opinion is valid). So although I'm usually not afraid to ask for help, this taught me just how important it is. Actually it's not just important, it's essential. 

My Shadow...

A while ago I was watching the Disney Channel (yes I am an avid watcher of the Disney Channel and no I am not ashamed) and I came across something very interesting. Ally (from Austin and Ally - which just so happens to be the worst show to ever exist) was performing a song. I could tell almost immediately that it was a mediocre song and a mediocre performance at best. Then something cool happened. Ally walked over to a white screen and a shadow of a man appeared. The man began to dance, and what did Ally do? She began to dance too. Then she walked over to another white screen and a second dancing shadow appeared. Soon there were 5 shadows on the screen and all were dancing. It was really cool (almost too cool to be on Disney Channel). The cool part wasn't the choreography or the interesting lights, but the shadows themselves. They weren't just in the background they were actually a part of it. Ally wasn't dancing in front of the shadows but with them. What a cool concept right? A tangible thing (Ally), interacting with intangible things (shadows). Though, in the interaction the line between tangible and intangible was blurred. The shadows had a depth and a weight and a texture. They were 3 dimensional. Again, it was really cool. It got me thinking about boundaries. The boundaries between tangible and intangible, concrete and abstract, reality and fantasy. I saw this commercial over a month ago and it has stuck with me. The performance was less than extraordinary but the idea of it really  attached itself to my brain. It's the idea that the boundary between reality and fantasy are a lot smaller than you would think. There's really not so much of a difference other than the way we interpret them. Who's to say that a shadow isn't just as real, or even more so than the thing that produces it. Just because we can't touch something doesn't mean it's fake. Who's to say that the shadows aren't the producers and we are merely the image it creates? I like turning things on their heads like thins. It's like when you think about dreams. What if your dreams were what is real and what you think is your life is actually just  a creation of your subconscious. So this stupid little Disney Channel Commercial made me realize something: you should never merely accept anything in the way it  is supposed to be viewed - even if it seems to make sense. I don't know what I want to do with this yet but I really love the idea of dancing with shadows. Dancing as an art form really inhabits this idea of intangible/tangible, concrete/abstract, reality/fantasy. Other art forms are much more concrete. You either sing the notes of the song or not. You either speak the lines of the script or not. You either paint a stroke on the canvas or not. But with dance it is different. Yes the choreography is the choreography and the steps are the steps but a dancers instrument is their body. Every person's body is different so therefore the choreography will be different on every dancer. There is nothing constant. Like a reoccurring dream, dance is different every time. Even the same dancer can never dance the same piece in the exact same way twice. It always changes. So if it's different every single time than a dance enters that boundary between tangible and intangible, concrete and abstract, fantasy and reality. When you dance you live in that boundary, and that's really cool.