Since I last blogged a lot has happened: I've made a decision, I've made progress, and I've reached an obstacle.
The Decision...
I've finally turned that mess of monologues into a conceivable project. Step 1, break the monologues up into pieces, and rearrange them as dialogue in a scene. The characters in the scene won't be made up, but the actual characters who had spoken the monologues in the movies originally. Step 2, watch the monologues being performed in the movies over, and over, and over again. Analyze every detail of the actresses performance, down to the simple blink of an eye or twitch of a finger. Step 3, filming. I will not so much copy but embody what the actress has created with the monologue. I will attempt to recreate exactly what they had done. I will film myself playing each of the parts, and then edit it together to form a coherent scene.
Progress...
Script? Check. Cutting down and rearranging the monologues was easier than I thought. I mean, simply the fact that I picked the monologues meant there was inevitably going to be a relationship between them all, but it even still I was surprised as to just how easy it was to piece them together as dialogue (that actually made some sense). In the end, I was left with a strange script about dreams, and love, and loss. It wound up discussing something quit profound, that I don't think I could've come by consciously. It's almost as though I created something that's a little beyond my capability to understand, which is kind of cool.
The obstacle...
Im stalling. I have the idea, I have the script, and now it's time to film, but I can't get myself to do it. All I need to do is just start. I mean, just because I film something doesn't mean I have to use it (there's this wonderful button on digital cameras that's called "delete"). I can film, re-film, and film again, as many times as I want. So what's stopping me? I wish I knew what could possibly be so scary.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Monologues...
So thanks to my community (aka Sarah) I was able to finally find some monologues. Now the problem is deciding which ones to do!
Here are some of the ones I found:
From the Freedom writers (Hillary Swank)...
Maybe we should talk about art. Tito’s got real talent, don’t you think? You know something? I saw a picture just like this once, in a museum. Only it wasn’t a black man, it was a Jewish man. And instead of the big lips he had a really big nose, like a rat’s nose. But he wasn’t just one particular Jewish man. This was a drawing of all Jews. And these drawings were put in the newspapers by the most famous gang in history. You think you know all about gangs? You’re amateurs. This gang will put you all to shame. And they started out poor and angry and everybody looked down on them. Until one man decided to give them some pride, an identity and somebody to blame. You take over neighborhoods? That’s nothing compared to them. They took over countries. You want to know how? They just wiped out everybody else. Yeah, they wiped out everybody they didn’t like and everybody they blamed for their life being hard. And one of the ways they did it was by doing this. See, they print pictures like this in the newspapers, Jewish people with big, long noses. Blacks with big, fat lips. They’d also published scientific evidence that proved that Jews and blacks were the lowest form of human species. Jews and blacks were more like animals and because they were just like animals it didn’t matter if they lived or died. In fact, life would be a whole lot better if they were all dead. That’s how a Holocaust happens. And that’s what you all think of each other.
From Million Dollar Baby (Hillary Swank)...
I can’t be like this, Frankie. Not after what I’ve done. I’ve seen the world. People chanted my name. Well, not my name, some damn name you gave me. They were chanting for me. I was in magazines. You think I ever dreamed that’d happen? I was born at two pounds, one-and-a-half ounces. Daddy used to tell me I fought to get into this world, and I’d fight my way out. That’s all I want to do, Frankie. I just don’t want to fight you to do it. I got what I needed. I got it all. Don’t let ‘em keep taking it away from me. Don’t let me lie here ’till I can’t hear those people chanting no more.
From Practical Magic (Sandra Bullock)...
Sometimes I feel there is a hole inside me, an emptiness that, at times, seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. And the moon tonight, there’s a circle around it, a sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole, of not going to sleep each night wanting, but still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it, but there is no man. Only that moon.
From The Lovely Bones (Saoirse Ronan)
I was slipping away, that’s what it felt like, life was leaving me, but I wasn’t afraid; then I remembered: “There was something I was meant to do; somewhere I was meant to be.” … I was in the blue horizon between heaven and earth. The days were unchanging and every night I dream the same dream. The smell of damp earth. The scream no one heard. The sound of my heart beating like a hammer against cloth and I would hear them calling, the voices of the dead. I wanted to follow them to find a way out but I would always come back to the same door. And I was afraid. I knew if I went in there I would never come out. When my mother came to my room, I realized that all this time, I had been waiting for her. I had been waiting so long, I was afraid she wouldn’t come. … Nobody notices when we leave. I mean, the moment when we really choose to go. At best you might feel, a whisper or the wave of a whisper, undulating down. My name is Salmon, like the fish. First name: Susie. I was 14 years old, when I was murdered on December 6th 1973. I was here for a moment, and then I was gone. I wish you all, a long, and happy life.
From Up in the Air (Anna Kendrick)...
Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it’s not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6’1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he’d have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
From Alice and Wonderland (Kathryn Beaumont)...
Why, how impolite of him. I asked him a civil question, and he pretended not to hear me. That’s not at all nice. I say, Mr. White Rabbit, where are you going? He won’t answer me. And I do so want to know what he is late for. I wonder if I might follow him. Why not? There’s no rule that I mayn’t go where I please. I will follow him. Wait for me, Mr. White Rabbit. I’m coming, too! How curious. I never realized that rabbit holes were so dark and so long and so empty. I believe I have been falling for five minutes, and I still can’t see the bottom! Hmph! After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs. How brave they’ll all think me at home. Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time. I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny that would be. Oh, I think I see the bottom. Yes, I’m sure I see the bottom. I shall hit the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it will hurt!
From Mean Girls (Rachel Mcaddams)...
Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know right, it’s sooo embarrassing. I don’t even… whatever. So then in eighth grade I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana. And Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she’d be like Why didn’t you call me back?! And I’d be like,Uh, why are you so obsessed with me? So then for my birthday party, which was an all girls pool party, I was like, Janyce I can’t invite you because I think you’re a lesbian. I mean, I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party! There were going to be girls there in their bathing suits! I mean right, she was a lesbian! So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her and she came back in the fall for high school and her hair was all cut off and she was totally weird and now I guess she’s on crack. Oh my God! I love your skirt, where did you get it?
And thats not even the half of them. I clearly have a lot of decision making to do!
Here are some of the ones I found:
From the Freedom writers (Hillary Swank)...
Maybe we should talk about art. Tito’s got real talent, don’t you think? You know something? I saw a picture just like this once, in a museum. Only it wasn’t a black man, it was a Jewish man. And instead of the big lips he had a really big nose, like a rat’s nose. But he wasn’t just one particular Jewish man. This was a drawing of all Jews. And these drawings were put in the newspapers by the most famous gang in history. You think you know all about gangs? You’re amateurs. This gang will put you all to shame. And they started out poor and angry and everybody looked down on them. Until one man decided to give them some pride, an identity and somebody to blame. You take over neighborhoods? That’s nothing compared to them. They took over countries. You want to know how? They just wiped out everybody else. Yeah, they wiped out everybody they didn’t like and everybody they blamed for their life being hard. And one of the ways they did it was by doing this. See, they print pictures like this in the newspapers, Jewish people with big, long noses. Blacks with big, fat lips. They’d also published scientific evidence that proved that Jews and blacks were the lowest form of human species. Jews and blacks were more like animals and because they were just like animals it didn’t matter if they lived or died. In fact, life would be a whole lot better if they were all dead. That’s how a Holocaust happens. And that’s what you all think of each other.
From Million Dollar Baby (Hillary Swank)...
I can’t be like this, Frankie. Not after what I’ve done. I’ve seen the world. People chanted my name. Well, not my name, some damn name you gave me. They were chanting for me. I was in magazines. You think I ever dreamed that’d happen? I was born at two pounds, one-and-a-half ounces. Daddy used to tell me I fought to get into this world, and I’d fight my way out. That’s all I want to do, Frankie. I just don’t want to fight you to do it. I got what I needed. I got it all. Don’t let ‘em keep taking it away from me. Don’t let me lie here ’till I can’t hear those people chanting no more.
From Practical Magic (Sandra Bullock)...
Sometimes I feel there is a hole inside me, an emptiness that, at times, seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. And the moon tonight, there’s a circle around it, a sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole, of not going to sleep each night wanting, but still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it, but there is no man. Only that moon.
From The Lovely Bones (Saoirse Ronan)
I was slipping away, that’s what it felt like, life was leaving me, but I wasn’t afraid; then I remembered: “There was something I was meant to do; somewhere I was meant to be.” … I was in the blue horizon between heaven and earth. The days were unchanging and every night I dream the same dream. The smell of damp earth. The scream no one heard. The sound of my heart beating like a hammer against cloth and I would hear them calling, the voices of the dead. I wanted to follow them to find a way out but I would always come back to the same door. And I was afraid. I knew if I went in there I would never come out. When my mother came to my room, I realized that all this time, I had been waiting for her. I had been waiting so long, I was afraid she wouldn’t come. … Nobody notices when we leave. I mean, the moment when we really choose to go. At best you might feel, a whisper or the wave of a whisper, undulating down. My name is Salmon, like the fish. First name: Susie. I was 14 years old, when I was murdered on December 6th 1973. I was here for a moment, and then I was gone. I wish you all, a long, and happy life.
From Up in the Air (Anna Kendrick)...
Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it’s not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6’1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he’d have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
From Alice and Wonderland (Kathryn Beaumont)...
Why, how impolite of him. I asked him a civil question, and he pretended not to hear me. That’s not at all nice. I say, Mr. White Rabbit, where are you going? He won’t answer me. And I do so want to know what he is late for. I wonder if I might follow him. Why not? There’s no rule that I mayn’t go where I please. I will follow him. Wait for me, Mr. White Rabbit. I’m coming, too! How curious. I never realized that rabbit holes were so dark and so long and so empty. I believe I have been falling for five minutes, and I still can’t see the bottom! Hmph! After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs. How brave they’ll all think me at home. Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time. I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny that would be. Oh, I think I see the bottom. Yes, I’m sure I see the bottom. I shall hit the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it will hurt!
From Mean Girls (Rachel Mcaddams)...
Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know right, it’s sooo embarrassing. I don’t even… whatever. So then in eighth grade I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana. And Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she’d be like Why didn’t you call me back?! And I’d be like,Uh, why are you so obsessed with me? So then for my birthday party, which was an all girls pool party, I was like, Janyce I can’t invite you because I think you’re a lesbian. I mean, I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party! There were going to be girls there in their bathing suits! I mean right, she was a lesbian! So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her and she came back in the fall for high school and her hair was all cut off and she was totally weird and now I guess she’s on crack. Oh my God! I love your skirt, where did you get it?
And thats not even the half of them. I clearly have a lot of decision making to do!
Monday, May 7, 2012
A Community...
It's always been there, and I've always been using it, but I'm just now becoming aware of it.
Artistically, of course the community is helpful, but I have to admit, I don't really know how to use it in that regard just yet. I guess it's like a new tool that I just have to get a handle on.
The emotional/mental aspect of community is what I'm getting total use of. It's basically like having a group of friends, who truly understand you. Maybe not who you are as a person, but who you are as an artist (or maybe thats the same thing, I'm not quit sure). Friday was the first day that I was really aware of my use of community, and how helpful it is. Sarah, Viviana, Grace, and I were all sitting around discussing our ideas for our projects. I think my explanation of my project sounded something like "I want to do monologues working on my film acting, but I'm not sure what monologues to do or how I want to present them." So clearly I still have a lot to figure out. Artistically, my community did help me come up with some ideas, but like I said before, where they really helped me was on the emotional/mental side of it all. I felt like I had a support-system, someone to have my back, and most importantly someone to cheer me on. Lately I've been feeling a bit lost. I mean I know exactly what I want, but for reasons that I cant explain, I don't know how to go about getting it. It's a strange feeling. It's like understanding everything but having nothing make sense. My head is in the clouds ,and its not quit clear and sunny but it isn't overcast either. I don't really know. Maybe the thing to do is to just stop thinking. Even so, it's comforting to know someone is there to listen to your crazy thoughts, and better yet, understand them better than you can yourself. If nothing more, it's comforting to know my Community is always there.
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