Well this sucks...

I'm surprised I am posting this on my blog, for all to see, instead of just e-mailing it privatley. I guess self critisism, or judgement, or destruction, or whatever you want to call this is easy for me... I'm not sure if that's good or a bad.

Shot 1
Voice:
      -too quiet
      -too fast
      -No anonciation 
      -unatural quivering (forced emotion)
Face:
      -Dead eyes
      -No clear focus
      -tense

Shot 2
Voice: 
      -valley girlish
      -inappropiate for the character
      -anonciation and speed!
Face:
     -head shaking/fidgety
     -spastic eyebrows
     -too much blinking

Shot 3
Voice:
      -Awkward breathing
      -Breathy words
Face:
      -too much blinking
      -ingenuine smile
      -sense of lacking confidence= wrong for the character

Shot 4
Voice:
      -too rythmic and melodic
      -rushed
      -slurred
Face:
      -swaying
      -dead eyes
      -too much or too little smiling

Shot 5
Voice:
      -Annonciation
      -lacking emotion/variation
Face:
      -No eye contact
      -blinking
      -lack of connection

Shot 6
Voice:
      -to much for film acting
      -doesnt flow well with the other scenes
Face:
      -TOO MUCH BLINKING
      -awkwardly tense neck

Shot 7
Voice:
      -Dragging
      -Uncommitted emotion wise
Face:
      -No eye contact
      -Shaking head
      -twitching eyebrow

Shot 8
Voice:
      -SO quiet
      -no variation
      -robotic
      -repetative
Face:
      -Dead eyes
      -Unclear
      -eye contact
      -bored/tired

Shot 9:
Voice:
      -Pauses/hesitations
      -Unconvincing
Face:
      -Blinking
      -Blikning
      -BLINKING

Shot 10:
Voice:
      -Unnatural
      -Effected
Face: 
      -BLINKING!!!!!!!
      -No expression in eyes

Shot 11:
Voice:
      -Monotone
      -hard to understand
      -Lost
Face:
      -Dull
      -No eye contact
      -Relaxed completley

Inspiration...

Yes, you could definitely say I'm inspired. 

I started of the week reading a play, reading monologues, blah, blah, blah. It was boring. No, worse then that it was tedious. So I asked myself, if I'm forced to do boring and tedious work from periods 1 through 6, why on earth would I choose to do it here? So, as I often do (remember I am indecisive), I changed my mind. I decided to revisit a project I had started at the end of last year. It was a risk, but I made a choice. I would just like to point out that I am not only making decisions now but also conquering my fears (only one blog post later and I'm already working towards solving my problem). 

Not to get off topic but I would just like to say that I don't think the key is to solve my problem (I actually think that may be impossible) but to simply learn how to live with it. Kind of like an incurable disease. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? 

Back on the topic of inspiration, I'm pretty sure I am experiencing the best kind of inspiration there is. I am inspired by the project, nothing more, and nothing less. The simple act of doing my work is inspiring. It's a cool feeling. To catch you up, my new project is performing a scene with 6 different characters, all portrayed by me. The character's and dialogue are all from movies, all I did was arrange it in some sort of a coherent pattern. Even just writing about it gets me excited. I want to film. All I want to do is film. 

Goodbye, I'm going to go film.

Problems...

Once again, it's September. Promise, expectations, and pollen are in the air, and at the moment I'm not quit sure which of the three are the cause for my stuffy nose and headache. 

I don't think enough time has passed for things to be going well or going badly, so I guess it's indifferent? Which of course is impossible because nothing about art is indifferent, especially acting. So here I am once again, unable to make up my own mind for fear that my choice will be the wrong one. Indecisive and scared; it's a hell of a combination. Feels a little like deja vu doesn't it? I'm sitting in the same chair, making the same excuses as I have been for the past two years. Although I think I have one advantage now that I did not have before, I now the solution. Acceptance. Now, I'm not sure what good it's going to do me knowing this if I can't put my words into action (if a 1,000 words are worth a picture, then 100,000,000 words are worth an action). Well, if nothing more it's a good place to start. It's basically just applying a principle we learned in acting class. Whatever you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it. Don't fight it, accept it. If I'm feeling scared then fine, I'll be scared. I'll let it fill me up until every fiber of my being is filled with fear. 

For a brief less vague update, I am currently reading Inherit the wind and intend on performing one or more monologues from it.