Last week I had a breakthrough: I swallowed a pill with water.
I was in school and suddenly a huge throbbing headache overcame me. I needed to take Advil to lessen the excruciating pain but I had a problem... there was no applesauce. Yes, I was 17 years old and I needed to put a pill in apple sauce in order to swallow it. I was afraid of swallowing a pill with water because after all I could choke and die. But when I say I had a headache that is an understatement. My head had never hurt so badly in my life. I knew despite my lack of apple sauce I needed to take this pill. I had two options: I could either risk taking the pill with water and possibly die, or I could not take the pill and definitely die (from my head exploding in pain). I chose the first option. So with a deep breath, I put the pill on my tongue and took a big gulp of water. And what happened? It worked. I didn't die. And my head felt better. I realized that I've swallowed pills a million times, the only difference was that apple sauce hid it. So I was essentially afraid of doing something that I've already done. My fear was totally illogical. It was all in my head.
This ridiculous metaphor represents an important lesson I've learned this quarter. This lesson is that my fear is all in my head. In other words, I'm afraid of things that just aren't worth being afraid of (ie. I'm afraid of problems that don't exist). I think a problem I have is I under estimate myself. I think I can do a lot more than I think I can do. No. I KNOW I can do a lot more than I think I can do. I'm not saying I don't believe in myself (because I do), but... How should I put this? I don't "think" in myself. To put this in terms that actually make sense: I know in my heart that I can do it but in my head there are always a billion doubts. As much as I believe in myself I doubt myself just as much. So this year will be about continuing to believe in myself but learning to doubt myself less. Because self doubt is the worst thing you can possibly allow yourself to partake in.
I used to not be able to swallow pills, either. I could only take liquid medicine. My mom tried putting the pill in apple sauce, ice cream, chopping it up into little bits, but nothing worked. I used to eat all of the ice cream and the pill would either stay in the bowl or in my mouth. Finally, I had to take a Benadril at school so the nurse gave me one. I threw up on her. I felt so guilty that when she gave me another one I tried really hard and swallowed it.
ReplyDeleteOh I feel your pain!
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