I posted two blog posts tonight (three if you count this one) and I feel great. It's like exercise for my head. My head often gets so jumbled with thoughts and ideas and feelings and doubts and everything. Sometimes my head is in the clouds and sometimes it's filled with concrete. The worst is when my head starts to produce contradictory thoughts. I think just to annoy me my mind will start to think two completely opposite thoughts at once. I kind of sound crazy, but not to worry, I've found my remedy... Blogging! It releases everything that's been crammed inside what I think might be my somewhat smaller than average brain. My head feels the most clear than it has all day. I know I have said this before but now I mean it, I am going to blog.
I would like to clarify something. The reason I haven't been blogging as much as I should is not because I don't like to write (I happen to love writing) but I have this irrational idea that everything on my blog has to be brilliant. I somehow came to believe that if my blog isn't intelligent and eloquent, it means I'm stupid. Well I guess I'll just have to risk it, stupid or not, I'm going to blog.
"I think just to annoy me my mind will start to think two completely opposite thoughts at once. I kind of sound crazy"
ReplyDeleteSomeone described an artist as someone who can hold two contradictory thoughts is his or her head at the same moment and be ok with that. So, I think you're jumbled head is normal operating state for anyone who is interesting.
I have known for quite a while that what is hanging you up regarding blogging is... your perfectionism. I'm glad you are embracing the risk of it and daring to write something good as well as some garbage. Truly the two go hand-in-hand (back to our two contradictory ideas in the head at the same time). It will be good for you as a person, as an actress, as an artist.
Read back to my comments two blog posts ago - your post about the nonsense of words. Now, this sort of applies to a blog - not that the words of a blog don't matter, obviously they do. But you needn't worry about how they reflect on you. You are a very intelligent, well-spoken energetic person. How could you possibly write something dumb unless you try to write not as you? You might have off nights, where you don't intellectually set the world on fire, but you have clear mental processes and cannot suddenly write something stupid. Even if you write something stupid it will be smart, sort of like the way Monty Python works. So don't worry about that. Use the blog to ask yourself questions, to clear your head, to communicate with me, because it is fun to set things down.
I love writing back on good, engaging blog posts. Thanks!
Luke