I'm only human...

To act is not to act, it's to allow yourself to feel. I never had a problem understanding it, but experiencing, that's a whole other story. Today I got glimpses of what it's like, but it didn't last long. So what was the problem? Well, I figured out my problem last week. "When I begin to actually feel something, I get so excited that before I know it, I'm not feeling it anymore". That is completely, 100% true. Now, here's where it gets confusing. If you change "excited" to "scared", you will arrive at this weeks problem. Today in class, when I would actually start to feel something, it would completely freak me out, and then, guess what would happen? I wouldn't be feeling it anymore. I mean, this week we were working mostly with the emotion of anger, and believe me, no one hates being angry more than I do. So, naturally when I would actually begin to feel angry, I would instinctively recoil from it. Almost like a reflex I can't control. So one week I'm enjoying my emotions too much, and then the next week, I'm not enjoying them enough? It's a little bit of a dilemma. How can I possibly go about fixing a problem that keeps on changing? Well, I don't know. And quite frankly, I don't need to know; I'm not supposed to know. I mean, if I knew everything, I wouldn't be taking this class in the first place (and of course if I knew everything, I wouldn't be human).