A Somewhat Decision...

I haven't blogged in, well, too long and I think it's about time I fill you in on whats going on in my life.
Actress; It's what I love, It's what I want want, It's what I am. So obviously I want to do something having to do with acting, theres no surprise there, but what? To say I want to act leaves a lot of questions unanswered. To narrow it down I want to concetrate more on film acting. It's not that I like film acting more than stage acting, it's just I've had many more oppurtunities to act on the stage than I've had to act on the screen, and for that it intrigues me. I'm curious, to learn about it, and even more so, I'm curious to see if I can pull it off. The thing is, on the stage there are so many layers of, for lack of a better word "fakeness" that you can hide behind. Masked by the makeup, cosutmes, lights, sets, music, and fellow actors, it is easy to create the illusion that you are acting, when in fact you are just faking. This is when the art of acting turns into the art of performing, and yes, by default acting is performing, but I want to do more than that. I want to be more than that. What really appeals to me the most is the the truth of film acting (that even though stage acting should share that same truth, like I said before, it is easy to create lies that simply just look like the truth). The fact that in film, every lie and every truth are magnified until you are basically standing there completley revealed and vulnerable scrares me, but it also inspires me. It overwhelms me but also motivates me, and that inspiration and motivation, having been growing inside me slowly and steadily over the past few years, is just about to burst. So I want to do something with film acting, but what. I have to say scenes are fun, but I've always been a fan of monologues. I don't know what it is about them that i find so appealing... maybe its the diva in me that likes to have all the attention on herself, or maybe its the irrational fear I have to depend on/open up to other people. I think the real reason is I feel like its a chance for me to reflect on my thoughts, and discover who I am, while doing something I love. So, when you add film acting with monologues, I think you get a reel. So I guess, as of now thats the shape my project is going to take. I'm a far way off from actually starting the filming of it all of course. I have to do some research. Read some books, search the web, that sort of thing. I also need to plan, rehearse, ect. That's basically where I am right now. I think its safe to say I've somewhat decided.